I've tried writing three blogs and deleated them all

Fourth time Lucky I guess.

Christmas has been and gone, another day of waiting for some news with none. I got a new coat, pair of gloves and two dvds. Mom and bro seemed happy with their presents. We sat around in Jays room hanging about chatting and all went to catch up on some sleep.

Boxing day which means I may try go shopping for a pair of trousers as need something to wear if I can find anything. Let's see people bashing me, rudeness wonders if people will still feel festive and have manners.

I'm still having troubles sleeping, can't stop thinking over Carl. I'm worried about him. He may be acting silly but doesn't stop me worrying. In turn because of it everyones worrying over me, I guess I've changed so much in last 2 weeks. Everyones been watching me and noticed such a huge difference in how I usually am. I don't mean to worry everyone, guess people are scared i'm going to make myself sick with lack of sleep or worry over carl.

The nightmares I have are not funny some are of me being heartbroken, others are of me being ill through not sleeping. Others are of me walking into grey mist and crying over carl not speaking to me. The worst ones are the ones in where I am crying
making my throat sore when I wake up I guess when I sleep i've been crying and talking in my seleep.. If don't think about it during the day it gets worse in my sleep. Today was a good day, I didn't think about him.

To be honest it feels like he is testing me or something, either that or my instict over he maybe suddenly changed his mind are right. If think about it I start loosing my voice where i'm fighting to keep from letting it get to me. It just saddens me that i'm being hurt like this. Hell even one of his sisters tried ringing him today to try find out whats wrong with him. So many say I don't deserve this, hey i've been through alot worse. This isn't as bad. Yeh my heart may be in the process of being broken.. I'll get over it I somehow will. I learnt my lessons and was a painful one. Don't bleive in promises. They are made to be broken.

Guess I'd better stop before I say something else worse that I will regret and kick myself for it.

That's all folks