Lets see

Gawd Gotta love new years 2008 what a fucking joke...

Yesterday the shit hit the fan..once again I had to remain strong and hold down my ground.
So fucking tired of hoping with each new year that it will get better.

Mum lost it yesterday, she sat saying everything her fault, she twisted one little thing me and jay had said and made it into something massive. Fuck knows anymore. She hates the flat. she thinks she lost everything. She walking round with hndreds of pounds in her purse and saying she hasnt got money..
The lies crop up me and Jay no longer know what to believe..she looked so eaten with guilt yesterday.

Me and Jay sat and talked to her it got to point where she went ~I want to be dead~ with that I could've one nuts. The cowards way out. She thinks the cowards way out gonna solve her issues with john. No fucking way. No one takes the cowards way out around me. I told her if I ever find you have tried to do that again I will personally kill you because I seen her do it so many fucking times before. I don't want my mom to kill herself. I worked in mental health and said to bro
if she continues like this there only one option left... i'm physically shaking even contemplating the last resort which is ring a mental health cpn and ask for intervention. It breaks my heart to see her so low.. it hurts to watch my mom fall to pieces. God I love her so sooooo much. We have no one to help us it's just me and jay. We alone and trying to keep the peices held together. I'm, feeling like i'm glue that holds shit together when everyone runs a million miles in opposite direction. Worst part I no longer have my ex-boyfriend to call to just listen and talk things through with, he gone through same stuff with his mom.

I'm barely over the bronchiatus and now dealing with absalute chaos. I had to calm Jay down and talk to mom and keep them both on an even keel. Jay was hurt by things mum said so sat and talked to him got him talking and laughing. Then we got mom talking and laughing in the end a bit.

Just bushwacked now slept like a log it exausted me keepin everything inside and had to fight not to loose my temper get angry or upset. Mom's better today but still keeping a close eye on her anyway. Aw man how much more crap can keep happenin lmao. Keep throwing it my way go on I can take it...LOL

That's all folks!!!!!!!!!!!!!