It's been one of those days coupled with yesterday. I fainted twice while in town yesterday which is a first for me, never had it happen before. I remember seeing everything in my vision go grey like i was viewing things threw a metallic lense then it slowly went black and poof I was gone on the floor and wondering what the hell happened when I woke up. Lauren (bros gf looked worried sick) Mum was in a store when she came out bro let her know what happened. Then happened a bit later thought I was all recovered but nope went and had same thing twice. Talk about being weird. I asked mom for something sugary to drink but she wanted to get back to the flat. So there is me jelly legged as hell wanting something sweet being told I got to wait till get back to flat because she didnt want to buy lauren and jay something to drink or eat. All I know is most of day after that I felt odd even late into last night I was having weird moments where felt a lil dizzy.
So today went to Dr to be checked out as everyone was telling me to do it. It was a one off so didnt want to fuss but its put everyone at ease. My BP was a lil high but nothing major, he put it down to stress and not eating properly. Have had few odd moments today but nothing enough to concern me. I think it mixture of stress and tiredness over past few weeks dumping carl, then was ill and the nervous breakdown with mom. Just been so much in short space of time it wore me out.
If anything I am getting desperate for a holiday specially since it the new year. I spoke to mom again about it. There is no chance of me having one had hoped she might have tucked something away for me on the sly and didnt want bro to know. But nope. Gotta love hoping as said before in a blog before she said all the money was blown on brothers for their can i borrow. Still kind of upset because I was promised a flight to see any one. Was supposed to be for carl but wanted to go see my ma dobie if couldnt do that. I very rarely ask for things but id love that it was promised for my birthday ha yeh right. I feel so selfish for wanting an actual holiday for myself
my brothers have had own holiday, as has my mom yet me I cant have one. Why..? I was promised money which I never got yet my brothers did. I was promised a holiday which my brothers each had yet I cant. I kind of feel wronged about it.
Finally over carl. I havnt really thought about him. Not had any dreams not missing him or pining over him. Guess that a good thing. Either that or ive used my wall thing without meaning to makes me sound like i never loved him, I did and kind of still do. Just not in the same way. Plus if ever came back to ask again for another chance I wouldnt do it.
Thats all for now folks!!!!!!!!!!!!
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