I hurt so much.. I had an astma attack this morning. Since then shoulders and sides hurt like crazy. I havn't had one in so long I feel like I gone ten rounds with someone hitting my shoulders and top of chest. Can barely find energy to move. I just bushwacked. My brothers expected me to go walking for 2 hours all round for baccy in wind and rain alone as darkness fell, I was refusing kept pestering, when ya going to shop? I can barely move round the house let alone outside. It was an effort to even stand and cook dinner, I knew I was coming down ill and the day I thought bout how I felt rough is day it kicks off.
Carl was furious at my brothers for expecting me to out in bad weather alone, I didn't let him know how bad I was this mornign. He would kick by butt for not resting, he worries too much.
He let me bitvh about m brothers, I rarely moan bout them but today they got to me. I'm too tired of this shit they all pull when moms away. I'm exausted soo damn exausted feel like ive drained every ounce of energy just to keep oing. Realy i been housesiting for pretty much months solid, dang so many have said i do too much. I've physically run self to gorund specilly after some good friends letting me know I can't do it all myself. Guess so many kno me too well. they almos snse when i run down it scres me becuse i deny it. I can't tongitj.
where i'm that tired the ghosts are actign up big time.
I onna have to stop the blog befpre o [ass pit tryimg tp tupe im sdrooping off here.
Yhats all fols
Thursday, 20 September 2007
Wednesday, 19 September 2007
I been awake a long time its 7.37am ...
Well it's early in the morning, i'm freezing cold whats new? I feel so rough, rougher than a dog. Had my first astma attack after I got off the phone, it's been forever since I had one. The chillier weather seems to hit me more since the weight loss. Drives me loopy I tell you, the one thing that get's to me I can cope with cold but hate having cold hands or fingers. Which for past 2 weeks has been happening more with the colder weather. Even my usual taxi driver said it was cold, so it isn't just me feeling the change in temperature. I need to get my wool coat outta the cupboard and get some buttons sewed onto it and get it dry cleaned.
Heck I got a feeling i'm going to need a new coat. I brought it in December last year and I havn't tried it on for a few months. I think it's going to swamp me. Might see if I can invest in a more expensive coat. I usually pay about sixty dollers for a coat, which barely last a few months. Usually long enough to get me through the winter, but need one that will last a few years. My Dad was always one to buy an expensive coat that would last a few years. That could mean upto two hundred dollers. Not sure if I can do it. I really need reading glasses, but on the other hand I need a coat for winter that actually fits. If don't protect myself from the cold weather I can pretty much promise I will get a chest infection come October and November.
I'm fighting one off right now as I write this blog so it on time, lol. I know the feeling the warning signs, tight feeling, wheezing, achy shoulders, sore throat, high temperature. They are the same signs every year without fail. I've run myself to the ground, housesitting isn't helping. So many have told me I do too much, guess they are right.
I work my socks off keeping the house running and ticking over, i'm proud I can do it but at a detriment to my health. I guess that's why I'm ill at moment, run down, in dire need of a holiday been over year since I actually had a break now. I've been a housesitter for a few years since I turned seventeen. Normally we have few hiccups but I can pretty much cope with them. Only one thing thast sometimes get to me is when house is empty. But that's where chatting to Carl helps hugely and also vp chat. Give's me some company and I have a great bunch of freinds and adopted family who accept my brattyness lol.
He got me again with my blonde moments, gawd he gets me every night. Last night was only time because I made a bet. He gonna have a lifetime of fun with my blonde moments, we argued/bantered about jacket potatoes vs baked potato. I say jacket he insists it's baked. Same thing. He wouldn't let it go lmao. Neither would I for that matter. I'm stubborn and he bloody knows it he is too. snickers. He always makes me laugh and smile. Said he can see me with him in some bar out there, I gonna say something in my accent and have all the guys hitting on me and following me round. Or you will say bloody wankers and some dumb ass gonna come up with a comment and i'll punch them for it. Naaaaaaa that BS. He was serious and then said there's gonna be me punching some guy for hitting on you to prove a point laughs. I was like oh my god.
Apparently we brits over pronounciate everything, he trying to get me to work on my drawl. Hello I speak the way I was raised , it's bloody hard for me to speak texan drawl. He has me practicing, but it's hard. He says slow it down and roll letters into one without the breaks in between. I'm getting there slowly. I explained if I talked lazy I would get a smack round the earole from my dad. I blame him lmao. He said we have accents. I do not have an accent, he has an accent not me. I dooooooo not have an accent, I never have had one. Lmao. He said I do not have an accent I have a southern drawl. True but it's still an accent.
He gets confused if I talk fast which isn't often. He gets bits but misses parts so I slow down and repeat and he says it the accent makes it hard for him to understand me sometimes. I was like do what. I speak clearly and pronounce everything. soooooo to prove a point he delibrately started talking my way. I almost fell off my seat laughing it sounded funny. Said we talk delibrately like this to pronounce every vowel and syllable, true. I guess that's why people get the feeling the british can be off and snobby.
Thats all folks
Heck I got a feeling i'm going to need a new coat. I brought it in December last year and I havn't tried it on for a few months. I think it's going to swamp me. Might see if I can invest in a more expensive coat. I usually pay about sixty dollers for a coat, which barely last a few months. Usually long enough to get me through the winter, but need one that will last a few years. My Dad was always one to buy an expensive coat that would last a few years. That could mean upto two hundred dollers. Not sure if I can do it. I really need reading glasses, but on the other hand I need a coat for winter that actually fits. If don't protect myself from the cold weather I can pretty much promise I will get a chest infection come October and November.
I'm fighting one off right now as I write this blog so it on time, lol. I know the feeling the warning signs, tight feeling, wheezing, achy shoulders, sore throat, high temperature. They are the same signs every year without fail. I've run myself to the ground, housesitting isn't helping. So many have told me I do too much, guess they are right.
I work my socks off keeping the house running and ticking over, i'm proud I can do it but at a detriment to my health. I guess that's why I'm ill at moment, run down, in dire need of a holiday been over year since I actually had a break now. I've been a housesitter for a few years since I turned seventeen. Normally we have few hiccups but I can pretty much cope with them. Only one thing thast sometimes get to me is when house is empty. But that's where chatting to Carl helps hugely and also vp chat. Give's me some company and I have a great bunch of freinds and adopted family who accept my brattyness lol.
He got me again with my blonde moments, gawd he gets me every night. Last night was only time because I made a bet. He gonna have a lifetime of fun with my blonde moments, we argued/bantered about jacket potatoes vs baked potato. I say jacket he insists it's baked. Same thing. He wouldn't let it go lmao. Neither would I for that matter. I'm stubborn and he bloody knows it he is too. snickers. He always makes me laugh and smile. Said he can see me with him in some bar out there, I gonna say something in my accent and have all the guys hitting on me and following me round. Or you will say bloody wankers and some dumb ass gonna come up with a comment and i'll punch them for it. Naaaaaaa that BS. He was serious and then said there's gonna be me punching some guy for hitting on you to prove a point laughs. I was like oh my god.
Apparently we brits over pronounciate everything, he trying to get me to work on my drawl. Hello I speak the way I was raised , it's bloody hard for me to speak texan drawl. He has me practicing, but it's hard. He says slow it down and roll letters into one without the breaks in between. I'm getting there slowly. I explained if I talked lazy I would get a smack round the earole from my dad. I blame him lmao. He said we have accents. I do not have an accent, he has an accent not me. I dooooooo not have an accent, I never have had one. Lmao. He said I do not have an accent I have a southern drawl. True but it's still an accent.
He gets confused if I talk fast which isn't often. He gets bits but misses parts so I slow down and repeat and he says it the accent makes it hard for him to understand me sometimes. I was like do what. I speak clearly and pronounce everything. soooooo to prove a point he delibrately started talking my way. I almost fell off my seat laughing it sounded funny. Said we talk delibrately like this to pronounce every vowel and syllable, true. I guess that's why people get the feeling the british can be off and snobby.
Thats all folks
Monday, 17 September 2007
What a boring day...
Well I got booted out of my bedroom last night, because youngest bro had some girl round. No forwarning I was expecting her to leave maybe an hour or two later but nope, she was here all night. I had no choice but to sleep on the couch with just pillows and no comforter for warmth that sucked hugely. I could've borrowed mums bed or other brothers bedroom but I won't as that is their space not my space.
Today has been boring I had maybe 3-4 hours sleep before I woke up thinking oh I have to go to the post office to post key off to our landlord. I've a habit when things need doing the tendency to wake up early happens or I will stay awake till things are done and then head to bed for sleep.
I spoke to my man for a bit but I waited over 2 hours to call back and gave up and went to sleep in the end about six this morning i think. Got couple of texts this afternoon he wanted to pop online to chat but his internet was being mean again. Poor guy someone messes around with it and means he can't get online. Felt bit bad for him as he just got his routine back. Been looking forward to speaking to him during day as it a lil easier on me and means if I speak online I can sleep at night rather than stay up all night waiting to call.
Feel like just walking away from everything, just pack a bag and walk away from it all. I'm not depressed, sad or misreble. I just feel hemmed in and need some kind of space. Guess that the saggi in me needing to travel again. If could I'd just get on flight and see where it takes me. I'm indifferent right now I'm needing some kind of freedom, I can't explain it. I'm not hemmed by Carl I love him and can't wait to maybe start a future with him. I feel hemmed in by my family, specially my mom and john.
That's all folks,,,,
Today has been boring I had maybe 3-4 hours sleep before I woke up thinking oh I have to go to the post office to post key off to our landlord. I've a habit when things need doing the tendency to wake up early happens or I will stay awake till things are done and then head to bed for sleep.
I spoke to my man for a bit but I waited over 2 hours to call back and gave up and went to sleep in the end about six this morning i think. Got couple of texts this afternoon he wanted to pop online to chat but his internet was being mean again. Poor guy someone messes around with it and means he can't get online. Felt bit bad for him as he just got his routine back. Been looking forward to speaking to him during day as it a lil easier on me and means if I speak online I can sleep at night rather than stay up all night waiting to call.
Feel like just walking away from everything, just pack a bag and walk away from it all. I'm not depressed, sad or misreble. I just feel hemmed in and need some kind of space. Guess that the saggi in me needing to travel again. If could I'd just get on flight and see where it takes me. I'm indifferent right now I'm needing some kind of freedom, I can't explain it. I'm not hemmed by Carl I love him and can't wait to maybe start a future with him. I feel hemmed in by my family, specially my mom and john.
That's all folks,,,,
Sunday, 16 September 2007
Translations
Fag in UK english means ciggie it can also mean a Homosexual.
Spank the Monkey in the UK English means spank the backside.
Gummy to me means Gummy as in no teeth. Can also be a twist on Scummy which means disgusting.
Townie a version of those who wear tracksuits and comefrom the town and surrounding areas.
Spend a penny in UK english means go to the restoom.
AC/DC in UK either swinging or bisexual.
Oh Bloody bollocks and tits up to it all. That my form of say oh no it's all going wrong a varient of this is it's all gone pete tong.
Twat in UK a person who annoys you.
Wanker similar thing in UK.
Git I say affectionately. Sorta an offense to some but some it used affectionately
Ane - Penis or vagina depending. Varient of Punane.
Spank the Monkey in the UK English means spank the backside.
Gummy to me means Gummy as in no teeth. Can also be a twist on Scummy which means disgusting.
Townie a version of those who wear tracksuits and comefrom the town and surrounding areas.
Spend a penny in UK english means go to the restoom.
AC/DC in UK either swinging or bisexual.
Oh Bloody bollocks and tits up to it all. That my form of say oh no it's all going wrong a varient of this is it's all gone pete tong.
Twat in UK a person who annoys you.
Wanker similar thing in UK.
Git I say affectionately. Sorta an offense to some but some it used affectionately
Ane - Penis or vagina depending. Varient of Punane.
Thursday, 13 September 2007
Well today was a madhouse day...
Well mom got back she goes again on saterday. She was fretting about clothes washing, i'm going sit down ya got tomorrow to do a load anyway. Their fault for booking a flight for saterday they chose the date lmao.
I finally said screw it to the phone it still wasnt working. Even Mom said I don't understand why it's done that. So I brought two phones, one a nice looking cordless and one regular plug in. Which means if we have a powercut or the phone goes scatty on us we have a phone that can be used. Heck I might even buy my own phone so no one can use it and keep it charged in my bedroom whenever I need one it will be there.
Mom was going through some bits with me surrounding our landlord. I have some tidying to do and also we have some builder coming to do the bathroom hmn new bathroom should be interesting. Mom said it has to be in the afternoons as I sleep during mornings normally. Plus I'm less likely to react against someone turning up at the door randomly. Since been with Carl I've become super safety conscious of people at door. He worries and made me promise to keep myself safe. Namely keeping a bat by door and also some vinager and pickle juice in a suishy tub incase someone tries something dodgy. We cn use stuff like that to defend ourselves within reasonable force while they coming at you as long as it not while they running away.
He said when i'm there he given me a list of things I will have to do when we live together should someone break in. Worst part is I remember it all he went through it few times to make sure I remembered, no ones ever cared for me like that before. He gonna train me in self defense and also how to shoot a gun. I know self defense I had training but didn't let on I know as much as I do because he gets all enthusiastic and shows he loves me when he goes into guy protective mode. Smiles
I still doing research. Not gonna tell ya bout it as it soooo long winded not done some in bit so will start it up again.
Let's see what else oo gonna see of mum and john will buy me a run around car. Need to get driving specially if mom going to be travelling I cant keep relying on public transport, it be worse when move up north specially in winter they get really bad weather which worries me. I really want a SUV or some kind of truck hehe i'm trying to learn the american way. Specially if I might move out there. Don't want to have to relearn too much. But I doubt they would let me get a truck I know what I would love. But they're too expensive. I asked if could have some lessons in the jeep and mom flat out said no which I expected. Carl asked pretty much same thing to me can ya see if you can learn in a the jeep. I pretty much said I doubt it. Guess he wants me to learn on powerful things.
Man my boyfriend puts ideas in my head he trying to get me americanised and i'm in the UK, guess he trying to get me prepared. So I gotta learn to drive a big SUV and shoot a gun which i'm looking into. Even my mom was open to that idea I was really really suprised, guess she knows I have a sensible head on my shoulders. And I've discussed it in length with Mom she admitted my father had a gun license too. I thought as much. Said pretty much it my choice nd knows i've discussed it with carl in depth and with her. I asked how john would feel about it she said he be fine he has a gun license too. So I guess that in the pipeline soon, might just buy a license.
Gawd I am so tired. Really should be in bed but I want to call carl.
I finally said screw it to the phone it still wasnt working. Even Mom said I don't understand why it's done that. So I brought two phones, one a nice looking cordless and one regular plug in. Which means if we have a powercut or the phone goes scatty on us we have a phone that can be used. Heck I might even buy my own phone so no one can use it and keep it charged in my bedroom whenever I need one it will be there.
Mom was going through some bits with me surrounding our landlord. I have some tidying to do and also we have some builder coming to do the bathroom hmn new bathroom should be interesting. Mom said it has to be in the afternoons as I sleep during mornings normally. Plus I'm less likely to react against someone turning up at the door randomly. Since been with Carl I've become super safety conscious of people at door. He worries and made me promise to keep myself safe. Namely keeping a bat by door and also some vinager and pickle juice in a suishy tub incase someone tries something dodgy. We cn use stuff like that to defend ourselves within reasonable force while they coming at you as long as it not while they running away.
He said when i'm there he given me a list of things I will have to do when we live together should someone break in. Worst part is I remember it all he went through it few times to make sure I remembered, no ones ever cared for me like that before. He gonna train me in self defense and also how to shoot a gun. I know self defense I had training but didn't let on I know as much as I do because he gets all enthusiastic and shows he loves me when he goes into guy protective mode. Smiles
I still doing research. Not gonna tell ya bout it as it soooo long winded not done some in bit so will start it up again.
Let's see what else oo gonna see of mum and john will buy me a run around car. Need to get driving specially if mom going to be travelling I cant keep relying on public transport, it be worse when move up north specially in winter they get really bad weather which worries me. I really want a SUV or some kind of truck hehe i'm trying to learn the american way. Specially if I might move out there. Don't want to have to relearn too much. But I doubt they would let me get a truck I know what I would love. But they're too expensive. I asked if could have some lessons in the jeep and mom flat out said no which I expected. Carl asked pretty much same thing to me can ya see if you can learn in a the jeep. I pretty much said I doubt it. Guess he wants me to learn on powerful things.
Man my boyfriend puts ideas in my head he trying to get me americanised and i'm in the UK, guess he trying to get me prepared. So I gotta learn to drive a big SUV and shoot a gun which i'm looking into. Even my mom was open to that idea I was really really suprised, guess she knows I have a sensible head on my shoulders. And I've discussed it in length with Mom she admitted my father had a gun license too. I thought as much. Said pretty much it my choice nd knows i've discussed it with carl in depth and with her. I asked how john would feel about it she said he be fine he has a gun license too. So I guess that in the pipeline soon, might just buy a license.
Gawd I am so tired. Really should be in bed but I want to call carl.
Wednesday, 12 September 2007
Can ya tell I might as well be stoned but i'm not
Why do birds sit on electric wires?... maybe they like the electric buzz to the down below parts..
Why do dogs always pick up sticks?... maybe to feel like the hunter around women...
Why do men smack butts?.. because they cant resist touching us women...
Why do we smoke?.. because we have nothing better to do thn enjoy a ciggie....
Why do dogs soak us with wet ears after drinking.. because they just have to share their enjoyment of a drink..
Why do we have to follow a dare through?.. for the sheer thrill of being caught out maybe...
Why do we sit and cross our legs?.. to cover up the fact we might be feeling fruity lmao...
What does it mean when we make eyes at you?.. your either butt ugly or smoking hot or we pity your attemps at wooing us..
Why do dogs always pick up sticks?... maybe to feel like the hunter around women...
Why do men smack butts?.. because they cant resist touching us women...
Why do we smoke?.. because we have nothing better to do thn enjoy a ciggie....
Why do dogs soak us with wet ears after drinking.. because they just have to share their enjoyment of a drink..
Why do we have to follow a dare through?.. for the sheer thrill of being caught out maybe...
Why do we sit and cross our legs?.. to cover up the fact we might be feeling fruity lmao...
What does it mean when we make eyes at you?.. your either butt ugly or smoking hot or we pity your attemps at wooing us..
It seems cold to me
I looked at temperature guage and it reckons it is 67f here. Feels colder than that though.
I finally got some sleep I give up with anything electrical, it is all going scatty round me. Namely the home phone and the laptop. I must be giving of some weird vibes or something.
I sat and talked about few bits with carl last night on the phone, felt good to ask. Bit of mushy stuff but heck we open enough to talk about anything that comes to mind. We tlked of what happened before. Both agreed on the saying if you love somebody you set them free and they will come back to you. I was almost crying yup the one who rarely cries was almost choked up and crying.
He was right he asked if we would have truly appreciated eachother had we still been together? I couldn't answer that one. The part that got me choked up and almost crying.. He said there wasn't a day when I didn't tink of you. Whenever a thought of you popped into my head, whenever I heard a voice that reminded me of you, whenever something reminded me of you. I wanted to ring you up and say I love you, miss you and i'm sorry. Goes bright red and teary eyed. Romantic eh the secret me is a bit of a romantic no ones ever said something with such sincerity. Snuffles guess it true love been in denial, still in denial that it's real. I keep expecting to wake up and find it's all been a dream. I phoned mum up and had a chat to her was almost crying when i repeated that. Why one sentence can produce such strong emotions of happiness. I've not had that in a long long longggggg time. I will never understand the human reaction to such things. I think too much can't ya tell, I am always thinking.
I told him on phone of my defense mechanism again I wanted to make sure he understood why I might do such a thing. I wanted to make sure he knows it not ment when I do it. He said I do the exact same thing. If get spooked, scared, angry, nervous I distance myself. I do exactly that soo he does same thing. That how he knew how to work through it the other week. I felt better that he understand that one. If there one thing anyone need to know it the one thing in a relationship you need to know how to work past my wall of silence and quietness or it wont come down for a while. If someone can't get past that it goes up harder and is impossible to break down if I don't want to let someone in they won't get past it except mum and carl and few I trust closely.
Apparently I got told i'm a firecracker. Guess because I was a little pissed off about real bro an his gf expecting me to do everything. I sorta showed I was angry in chat about it, so someone said wow your a little firecracker and thought you were very sedate. I said I am till i'm annoyed it the truth I won't deny when I get annoyed it shows. I calm down super quick though unless really angry and only Carl can calm me down quick if i'm like that which suprised me because usually i have to calm myself down by pacing.
Thats all folks gonna do a funny blog in a second
I finally got some sleep I give up with anything electrical, it is all going scatty round me. Namely the home phone and the laptop. I must be giving of some weird vibes or something.
I sat and talked about few bits with carl last night on the phone, felt good to ask. Bit of mushy stuff but heck we open enough to talk about anything that comes to mind. We tlked of what happened before. Both agreed on the saying if you love somebody you set them free and they will come back to you. I was almost crying yup the one who rarely cries was almost choked up and crying.
He was right he asked if we would have truly appreciated eachother had we still been together? I couldn't answer that one. The part that got me choked up and almost crying.. He said there wasn't a day when I didn't tink of you. Whenever a thought of you popped into my head, whenever I heard a voice that reminded me of you, whenever something reminded me of you. I wanted to ring you up and say I love you, miss you and i'm sorry. Goes bright red and teary eyed. Romantic eh the secret me is a bit of a romantic no ones ever said something with such sincerity. Snuffles guess it true love been in denial, still in denial that it's real. I keep expecting to wake up and find it's all been a dream. I phoned mum up and had a chat to her was almost crying when i repeated that. Why one sentence can produce such strong emotions of happiness. I've not had that in a long long longggggg time. I will never understand the human reaction to such things. I think too much can't ya tell, I am always thinking.
I told him on phone of my defense mechanism again I wanted to make sure he understood why I might do such a thing. I wanted to make sure he knows it not ment when I do it. He said I do the exact same thing. If get spooked, scared, angry, nervous I distance myself. I do exactly that soo he does same thing. That how he knew how to work through it the other week. I felt better that he understand that one. If there one thing anyone need to know it the one thing in a relationship you need to know how to work past my wall of silence and quietness or it wont come down for a while. If someone can't get past that it goes up harder and is impossible to break down if I don't want to let someone in they won't get past it except mum and carl and few I trust closely.
Apparently I got told i'm a firecracker. Guess because I was a little pissed off about real bro an his gf expecting me to do everything. I sorta showed I was angry in chat about it, so someone said wow your a little firecracker and thought you were very sedate. I said I am till i'm annoyed it the truth I won't deny when I get annoyed it shows. I calm down super quick though unless really angry and only Carl can calm me down quick if i'm like that which suprised me because usually i have to calm myself down by pacing.
Thats all folks gonna do a funny blog in a second
Friday, 7 September 2007
Humnnnn hat do I say today.................
well after two hours sleep i got woken up by my mum ringing i just ignored the phone.. as i don't listen hen i wake up cant remember conversations.
I decided to do a bit of tidying and went for a walk for a bit down to local postie. There are some amazing views I need to go out and buy a film and take some pictures before we move. I know I hate this area but the views are of open fields it's glorious just walking and seeing nothing but fields is lovely. Along with a soft gentle breeze that just smells Divine always makes me think of years gone by as a kid playing on hay hales and rolling them to best spot in field to enjoy a giggle and a laugh with my brothers and friends.
In a way I'm going to miss the daily walk to post office just gets me some time alone if brother n his girlfriend are lounging around. Good exercise too. I saw alot of children coming out of school pottering along being brats and enjoying the time outside. Brought back some fond memories of my childhood I can't help but smile and remember when I used to run out of school to find my mom in the playground. I used to love it when my Dad came to pick me up as he worked alot. Today would've been his birthday smiles softly. The day now seems like another day to me it used to upset me up until a few years ago. I now just smile and nod my head to his picture. May say happy birthday dad. Yes 7 and bit years on I will say happy birthday to my dad. My way of remembering him.
Mum had to go to hospital to have some mouth stones removed. She is OK just a bit sore, nothing major but she kept me informed. She comes home tomorrow and goes back up Sunday i think she comes home Thursday but her text messege was a little muddled. She is also going to Jordan this month for three to four weeks, I'm not looking forward to that. But I have to get used to it... no choice in the matter... I'm starting to feel used. Mainly because it is forced upon me to look after the house, the dogs, everything. Without so much as a thank you. Hell what would happen if I moved out, I'd still be expected to house sit. I love my mom I truly do but there is having a life and abandoning your responsibilities. It feels like she is running away.
I miss the chats, the girly time we have so few of those now. Only time we get girly chats is at stupid O'clock in morning hen Johns in bed and i'm waiting to call Carl back.
I namely miss my Dad, in my head I often wish he didn't pass away. In ways and I don't admit it but I am jealous of those with two parents. It still sometimes hurts when fathers day comes round.
I wish I could talk to him about Carl. I always thought my dad would be around for any future boyfreinds way back then. Checking them out doing the fatherly thing, yanno all that kind of stuff. I wish I could have one day again ith my pa, get him to talk to carl, check him out he was a good reader of people. Just to meet the man who has made me so happy.
Would have loved to have known what my Dad would've thought of Carl. My mom is happy, she always did like Carl. John hmn he happy for me I think but it not the same. It's not my Dad....
I decided to do a bit of tidying and went for a walk for a bit down to local postie. There are some amazing views I need to go out and buy a film and take some pictures before we move. I know I hate this area but the views are of open fields it's glorious just walking and seeing nothing but fields is lovely. Along with a soft gentle breeze that just smells Divine always makes me think of years gone by as a kid playing on hay hales and rolling them to best spot in field to enjoy a giggle and a laugh with my brothers and friends.
In a way I'm going to miss the daily walk to post office just gets me some time alone if brother n his girlfriend are lounging around. Good exercise too. I saw alot of children coming out of school pottering along being brats and enjoying the time outside. Brought back some fond memories of my childhood I can't help but smile and remember when I used to run out of school to find my mom in the playground. I used to love it when my Dad came to pick me up as he worked alot. Today would've been his birthday smiles softly. The day now seems like another day to me it used to upset me up until a few years ago. I now just smile and nod my head to his picture. May say happy birthday dad. Yes 7 and bit years on I will say happy birthday to my dad. My way of remembering him.
Mum had to go to hospital to have some mouth stones removed. She is OK just a bit sore, nothing major but she kept me informed. She comes home tomorrow and goes back up Sunday i think she comes home Thursday but her text messege was a little muddled. She is also going to Jordan this month for three to four weeks, I'm not looking forward to that. But I have to get used to it... no choice in the matter... I'm starting to feel used. Mainly because it is forced upon me to look after the house, the dogs, everything. Without so much as a thank you. Hell what would happen if I moved out, I'd still be expected to house sit. I love my mom I truly do but there is having a life and abandoning your responsibilities. It feels like she is running away.
I miss the chats, the girly time we have so few of those now. Only time we get girly chats is at stupid O'clock in morning hen Johns in bed and i'm waiting to call Carl back.
I namely miss my Dad, in my head I often wish he didn't pass away. In ways and I don't admit it but I am jealous of those with two parents. It still sometimes hurts when fathers day comes round.
I wish I could talk to him about Carl. I always thought my dad would be around for any future boyfreinds way back then. Checking them out doing the fatherly thing, yanno all that kind of stuff. I wish I could have one day again ith my pa, get him to talk to carl, check him out he was a good reader of people. Just to meet the man who has made me so happy.
Would have loved to have known what my Dad would've thought of Carl. My mom is happy, she always did like Carl. John hmn he happy for me I think but it not the same. It's not my Dad....
Monday, 3 September 2007
Someone knock me out please I can't sleep....
Well it's twelve thirty pm and i've been awake almost twenty four hours. I can't sleep I was in so much pain yesterday and today with my wisdom tooth yet again.. dammit can someone just punch me in the face here and now. I'm sick of it all the aches constant earaches and headaches. Driving me nuts... I can't keep up with it anymore this teething business sucks ass big time.
If I knew that it gonna be damned painful id've told them to take all my teeth out lmao.
Mum's gone back up north again, left today. The car broke down twenty minutes away from house. Yet it was MOTd just the other week. nother sign it not right to move up north I guess something else always comes when we considering moving. The signs all say we should stay here where we are. I for one am tired of shit like this happening, it's getting so damn old. Give me a bloody break... Sorry i'm a grouchy one. I'm tired, in pain and stewing on something I found out yesterday.
How do I approach someone I considered to be an adoptive sister only to find that she has lied. Everything is based on one Lie. I never say this but she is as good as dead to me right now. I can't forgive her and I for one won't ever place or give her an ounce of respect or trust ever again. It's a awful thing to lie bout. I am truly disgusted right now and that rarely happens.
Sighs i'm so damn tired I can't even think tired of all the bullshit that goes with life... feel like i'm living hell right now.
The only good part of day is talking to Carl he has made me laugh and smile along with cheering my mom up. It was much needed.. got me giggling,laughing, grinning and smiling I could forever listen to him. I love him truly do.. smiles
Thats all for now folks
If I knew that it gonna be damned painful id've told them to take all my teeth out lmao.
Mum's gone back up north again, left today. The car broke down twenty minutes away from house. Yet it was MOTd just the other week. nother sign it not right to move up north I guess something else always comes when we considering moving. The signs all say we should stay here where we are. I for one am tired of shit like this happening, it's getting so damn old. Give me a bloody break... Sorry i'm a grouchy one. I'm tired, in pain and stewing on something I found out yesterday.
How do I approach someone I considered to be an adoptive sister only to find that she has lied. Everything is based on one Lie. I never say this but she is as good as dead to me right now. I can't forgive her and I for one won't ever place or give her an ounce of respect or trust ever again. It's a awful thing to lie bout. I am truly disgusted right now and that rarely happens.
Sighs i'm so damn tired I can't even think tired of all the bullshit that goes with life... feel like i'm living hell right now.
The only good part of day is talking to Carl he has made me laugh and smile along with cheering my mom up. It was much needed.. got me giggling,laughing, grinning and smiling I could forever listen to him. I love him truly do.. smiles
Thats all for now folks
Sunday, 2 September 2007
Lets see
Heya'll well today is a funny day. Mum got back from up north so we been yakking for bit and we going out for a girly meal tonight. Something I miss doing big time. She has something to tell me nd she is hiding it because I can sense it, bet that why she wants a meal out to have a chat grinz.
Humnn COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEE is my mood today hehe. Well last 2 nights i've been sleeping like log, guess I needed it big time even Carl has said when I sleep like that he knows I needed the rest. He also knows how to make me sleepy too not fair. As usual he said I knew you were gonna sleep hmnn.
Gee and Torie going camping at her brothers house. Not sure you call a tent in a garden camping but ne'er mind lol. Done that alot over years here in our garden put a tent up and sat with brothers talking while camping it cool. I miss it alot they've grown out of it but thinking of it brings back fond memories of fun times. Gee is staying behind here in the county I live in so i'm loosing my lil brother sighs. We have bonded so well in last few months it sucks. But i'm sure with the laptops and phones we will talk alot more maybe at least I hope we do.
Mhnnnnnnnnnn Cofffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..........................
Hats................
Dog tags....................
More coffeeeeeeee......................
Not being bad lol just daydreaming lmao
Thats all for now folks
Humnn COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEE is my mood today hehe. Well last 2 nights i've been sleeping like log, guess I needed it big time even Carl has said when I sleep like that he knows I needed the rest. He also knows how to make me sleepy too not fair. As usual he said I knew you were gonna sleep hmnn.
Gee and Torie going camping at her brothers house. Not sure you call a tent in a garden camping but ne'er mind lol. Done that alot over years here in our garden put a tent up and sat with brothers talking while camping it cool. I miss it alot they've grown out of it but thinking of it brings back fond memories of fun times. Gee is staying behind here in the county I live in so i'm loosing my lil brother sighs. We have bonded so well in last few months it sucks. But i'm sure with the laptops and phones we will talk alot more maybe at least I hope we do.
Mhnnnnnnnnnn Cofffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..........................
Hats................
Dog tags....................
More coffeeeeeeee......................
Not being bad lol just daydreaming lmao
Thats all for now folks
Saturday, 1 September 2007
Heh I'm the evil one
I'm living upto my new name. Wolfy went and died and out came Evil. Em. Laughs my poor family don't know wht to do with me. I getting brattier by the hour, woooooooohoooooooooooo.
Sighs I miss Carl. I slept so heavy last night after being awake thirty four hours, he relaxed me to point where I was falling asleep on phone. He knows how to mke me sleeepy and it not fair.
Tonight I watched snakes on a plane an omg it got my heart racing, jumpy and scared I normlly fine with snakes but it got to me, Im fine now lmao. Not sure why I was scared, lol lack of sleep maybe gawd knows.
Haha someone plotting to get me lmao should bne funny to see snickers POKES TONGUE OUT.
I'm ungettable snickers.
Stomps boot and gives meanest evil look/.............. Dare You to Try..................
Sighs I miss Carl. I slept so heavy last night after being awake thirty four hours, he relaxed me to point where I was falling asleep on phone. He knows how to mke me sleeepy and it not fair.
Tonight I watched snakes on a plane an omg it got my heart racing, jumpy and scared I normlly fine with snakes but it got to me, Im fine now lmao. Not sure why I was scared, lol lack of sleep maybe gawd knows.
Haha someone plotting to get me lmao should bne funny to see snickers POKES TONGUE OUT.
I'm ungettable snickers.
Stomps boot and gives meanest evil look/.............. Dare You to Try..................
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