It seems cold to me

I looked at temperature guage and it reckons it is 67f here. Feels colder than that though.

I finally got some sleep I give up with anything electrical, it is all going scatty round me. Namely the home phone and the laptop. I must be giving of some weird vibes or something.

I sat and talked about few bits with carl last night on the phone, felt good to ask. Bit of mushy stuff but heck we open enough to talk about anything that comes to mind. We tlked of what happened before. Both agreed on the saying if you love somebody you set them free and they will come back to you. I was almost crying yup the one who rarely cries was almost choked up and crying.
He was right he asked if we would have truly appreciated eachother had we still been together? I couldn't answer that one. The part that got me choked up and almost crying.. He said there wasn't a day when I didn't tink of you. Whenever a thought of you popped into my head, whenever I heard a voice that reminded me of you, whenever something reminded me of you. I wanted to ring you up and say I love you, miss you and i'm sorry. Goes bright red and teary eyed. Romantic eh the secret me is a bit of a romantic no ones ever said something with such sincerity. Snuffles guess it true love been in denial, still in denial that it's real. I keep expecting to wake up and find it's all been a dream. I phoned mum up and had a chat to her was almost crying when i repeated that. Why one sentence can produce such strong emotions of happiness. I've not had that in a long long longggggg time. I will never understand the human reaction to such things. I think too much can't ya tell, I am always thinking.

I told him on phone of my defense mechanism again I wanted to make sure he understood why I might do such a thing. I wanted to make sure he knows it not ment when I do it. He said I do the exact same thing. If get spooked, scared, angry, nervous I distance myself. I do exactly that soo he does same thing. That how he knew how to work through it the other week. I felt better that he understand that one. If there one thing anyone need to know it the one thing in a relationship you need to know how to work past my wall of silence and quietness or it wont come down for a while. If someone can't get past that it goes up harder and is impossible to break down if I don't want to let someone in they won't get past it except mum and carl and few I trust closely.

Apparently I got told i'm a firecracker. Guess because I was a little pissed off about real bro an his gf expecting me to do everything. I sorta showed I was angry in chat about it, so someone said wow your a little firecracker and thought you were very sedate. I said I am till i'm annoyed it the truth I won't deny when I get annoyed it shows. I calm down super quick though unless really angry and only Carl can calm me down quick if i'm like that which suprised me because usually i have to calm myself down by pacing.

Thats all folks gonna do a funny blog in a second