well after two hours sleep i got woken up by my mum ringing i just ignored the phone.. as i don't listen hen i wake up cant remember conversations.
I decided to do a bit of tidying and went for a walk for a bit down to local postie. There are some amazing views I need to go out and buy a film and take some pictures before we move. I know I hate this area but the views are of open fields it's glorious just walking and seeing nothing but fields is lovely. Along with a soft gentle breeze that just smells Divine always makes me think of years gone by as a kid playing on hay hales and rolling them to best spot in field to enjoy a giggle and a laugh with my brothers and friends.
In a way I'm going to miss the daily walk to post office just gets me some time alone if brother n his girlfriend are lounging around. Good exercise too. I saw alot of children coming out of school pottering along being brats and enjoying the time outside. Brought back some fond memories of my childhood I can't help but smile and remember when I used to run out of school to find my mom in the playground. I used to love it when my Dad came to pick me up as he worked alot. Today would've been his birthday smiles softly. The day now seems like another day to me it used to upset me up until a few years ago. I now just smile and nod my head to his picture. May say happy birthday dad. Yes 7 and bit years on I will say happy birthday to my dad. My way of remembering him.
Mum had to go to hospital to have some mouth stones removed. She is OK just a bit sore, nothing major but she kept me informed. She comes home tomorrow and goes back up Sunday i think she comes home Thursday but her text messege was a little muddled. She is also going to Jordan this month for three to four weeks, I'm not looking forward to that. But I have to get used to it... no choice in the matter... I'm starting to feel used. Mainly because it is forced upon me to look after the house, the dogs, everything. Without so much as a thank you. Hell what would happen if I moved out, I'd still be expected to house sit. I love my mom I truly do but there is having a life and abandoning your responsibilities. It feels like she is running away.
I miss the chats, the girly time we have so few of those now. Only time we get girly chats is at stupid O'clock in morning hen Johns in bed and i'm waiting to call Carl back.
I namely miss my Dad, in my head I often wish he didn't pass away. In ways and I don't admit it but I am jealous of those with two parents. It still sometimes hurts when fathers day comes round.
I wish I could talk to him about Carl. I always thought my dad would be around for any future boyfreinds way back then. Checking them out doing the fatherly thing, yanno all that kind of stuff. I wish I could have one day again ith my pa, get him to talk to carl, check him out he was a good reader of people. Just to meet the man who has made me so happy.
Would have loved to have known what my Dad would've thought of Carl. My mom is happy, she always did like Carl. John hmn he happy for me I think but it not the same. It's not my Dad....
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