Another day of arguments

As usuall Mom and youngest brother decided to have a go at eachother again. Per normal I had to play peacekeeper, both of them tried aiming their fustrations at me. Jay heard me walk down the stairs and walked out. Not sure how much longer I can stand this tension. No one is barely talking, Mom is sat saying I can't do this anymore. Do what exactly? She been home a week and contemplating running away. Already. That never solves anything, it will escalate untill she comes home again. I learnt I am the opposite to my sign, I always had the impression I should be argumentitive. However last night I learnt why I run from arguments. It was so true
I do not like power games, nor do I like arguments. Which is whats going on at the moment. However if backed into a corner you'll face a whole new me which is so true. I only argue when I have nowhere left to back to. So if I'm in a corner and nowhere to turn my back from arguing i'll fight.

I love my family very much, but this fighting and arguing is getting to me. It may not look like it. I may not show it, but it is there. My honey knew he asked what they were fighting about. hen I told him he said oh Lord. He knows the best thing is to keep my mind off it.

Talk about anything but what is going on or I will get angry and he knows as I've said that I do not want to go to that place. Carl knows to keep me from putting my wall up that humour helps. It truly does, But today it took a long time to get past the fact they were arguing again. I wanted Carl here by my sidem just so I could bury self into arms and forget about it. For some unknown reason, I tried eating with mom and brother. I couldn't sit in the same room all I could feel was the tension and I had to go back upstairs. Once I did I felt spaced out almost like it drained all my energy feeling the tension. You know seems like i'm giving up the fight to keep peace i'm trying and trying, then when it get directed at me I walk away... is that a good thing should I just let them get on with it. Yes I felt bad I said leave it alone, i'm not here to listen to you argue. I walked out and said I would be back in a bit.

As Carl said it's not your fight to be stressed over.. I agree but i'm stressed listening to their petty arguing. I wish they would all grow the fuck up and act like adults. That's a week solid now.

One good thing about the day spoke to Carl on yahoo for uhmns 7 hours straight. If he hadn't of kept my mind occupied, We have been making plans all day smiles happily, can't wait to see them come along one day.

And along with that I never do this I havn't done this in years i sat and talked to thin air, asking my dad to get the arguments to stop. Most would say praying but I was just talking to my dad. I have to admit I felt better after i'm now listening to Josh turner he soothing me at moment.