Finally moms coming home

she gets back on 17th this month. I'm in a weird mood almost relief, I now need a cry. I need a hug and I need sleep. Wish my man was here I could really do with some strong arms to just hold me and let me fall asleep there and then. I've missed him since yesterday, can't wait to talk to him, dang I can't stop wishing he was here. I'm not normally like this but for some unknown reason tonight I really need him and to have him hold me close. I need him to send me to sleep make me drift off he sooths me and I need that soothing voice. Either that or i'll end up crying if he tlks softly.
He gonna if we speak tonight wonder why i'm, so quiet, I won't be able to answer it a question when i'm this way I can't answer. Nothing is wrong, i'm not sad, not angry, not happy either. I can't say what it is I think it close to tiredness
It's my thinking mood one of those indiscribable moods. He'll pick it up he hasn't come across this mood yet. He has heard me pissed off, he has heard me tired, he has heard me over moon, he has heard me when the wall goes up. Hope he doesn't think it because of the talk we had yesterday morning.

That conversation has been running through my head over and over again. My brain doesn't want to register he ment every word. I beleive it as he was deadly serious that he wants us together in real life. But my brain is failing to register the seriousness of how much it means to him. It keeps playing over and over in head all the sentences and words. it's almost as if I'm shellshocked. I am so happy and thrilled because for so long I waited, but to hear him say it in concrete and with serious thoughts of the future. Before it was more we gonna do this and that. Yesterday it was something a gut instinct none of that bantering stuff we usually do. It was serious thoughts as a couple I havn't really had that before, even when we were together over four years ago it was more bantering and this and that. We were serious but not to this extent. He doesn't want to loose me......I don't want to loose him again.

I'm going to say this with all seriousness. Me and Carl are Soulmates.... I've never said that before to anyone not even my exes. He is the first one and only person I've ever had that feeling with. It getting stronger each day. I had a bad dream the other night that left me full of doubts till yesterday.

I dremt I walked away from him again. He fought in my dream to stop me from walking away from him. Kept standing in front of me and asking why I was running away from him I replied i'm not running from you when In my dream I wanted to keep walking, his reply in dream that he can't loose me again. I guess because at once point a lil bit ago I contemplated breaking up because I didn't want to get hurt again. I didn't want the same thing as the past to happen and I got scared that it would. I am hoping it won't this time round.
I stood my ground when my brain and was saying walk away, because you don't want a repeat of the past. I'm so glad I didn't i'd be full of regrets.

11pm and i'm still awake I've not eaten dinner either. I'm not hungry. This sucks. I wanna eat but i'm not hungry. Growls softly.

That's all folks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!